What Is Shame and How Does It Relate to Mental Health?

Shame is a deeply painful emotion that arises from the perception of being fundamentally flawed, inadequate, or unworthy. Unlike guilt, which is related to a specific behavior, shame is more about the sense that there is something wrong with who one is as a person. This internalized feeling often develops in response to criticism, rejection, or societal standards that an individual feels they cannot meet. Shame, and the defenses people use to manage it, can lead to self-criticism, withdrawal, and a persistent fear of being exposed or judged by others. When unresolved, shame becomes a powerful force that affects how individuals see themselves and interact with the world, often leading to avoidance of vulnerability or self-expression.

Shame has a profound impact on mental health, contributing to a range of psychological difficulties such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even trauma. It can also fuel perfectionism or self-sabotage, as individuals either strive to overcompensate for their perceived inadequacy or avoid challenges out of fear of failure. Over time, chronic shame can lead to isolation, as people distance themselves from relationships or social situations to avoid the risk of being seen as flawed. This isolation can exacerbate feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, creating a vicious cycle of negative emotions. Healing shame in therapy often involves confronting and processing the roots of these feelings, fostering self-compassion, and gradually developing a more accepting and authentic sense of self.

Shame is insidious. It leaves us cutoff from wounded parts of the self that become despised and relegated to the shadows. Everything that shame touches is deflated in some way; shame leaves in its wake self-critical habits, poor self-esteem, negative self-comparisons, a sense of powerlessness, isolation, intense perfectionism, and a lack of vitality, spontaneity, and joy. 

Shame & Mental Health Symptoms...

Shame can be at the root of many anxiety and mood-related issues, relationship problems, and problems with procrastination. Shame can also result in self-sabotaging and addictive behaviors, like drug/alcohol abuse, compulsive sexual behavior, and other forms of acting out.

Psychotherapy for Shame

Integrative depth psychotherapy approaches to shame focus on uncovering and addressing the unresolved roots of this painful emotion. Shame is often viewed as a defense mechanism that forms in response to early relational experiences, particularly in childhood. For example, a child who feels unworthy of love or acceptance may internalize these feelings as shame, believing that there is something inherently wrong with them. Integrative depth psychotherapy aims to explore and process these early experiences, bringing shame-related patterns, and their defenses, into conscious, compassionate awareness. By understanding the origins of shame, individuals can begin to challenge and reshape their self-perception, moving from a sense of worthlessness to one of self-acceptance.

Another key aspect of integrative depth psychotherapy in treating shame is the therapeutic relationship itself. The therapist provides a safe, nonjudgmental space where clients can express their vulnerabilities and feelings of inadequacy without fear of rejection. This reparative relational experience allows individuals to experience a different kind of connection—one where they are valued and accepted despite their perceived flaws. Over time, this relationship helps to soften the internalized sense of shame, fostering self-compassion and emotional resilience. Integepth psychotherapy helps individuals not only understand the origins of their shame but also transform their emotional responses, enabling them to engage more authentically with themselves and others.

Can Somatic Therapies Help?

Somatic therapies offer a powerful approach to healing shame and feelings of inadequacy by addressing the body’s role in emotional processing. Shame is often deeply embodied, manifesting as tension, collapsed posture, or a sense of constriction in the chest and throat. Modalities such as Transforming Touch® and craniosacral therapy help individuals tune into these bodily sensations, allowing for gentle exploration and release of stored emotions. By fostering awareness of physical responses and gradually introducing new, empowering movements, these therapies help rewire the nervous system, reducing the automatic freeze or withdrawal responses associated with shame.

Inadequacy, similarly, can create patterns of bodily suppression—such as shallow breathing, avoiding eye contact, or hunching shoulders—that reinforce feelings of unworthiness. Somatic approaches work to rebuild a sense of agency and self-acceptance by guiding clients toward more expansive, confident postures and grounding techniques. Through breathwork, mindful movement, and guided touch, clients learn to regulate their physiological responses to self-judgment and external criticism. Over time, these embodied shifts translate into greater emotional resilience, allowing individuals to experience themselves with more compassion and authenticity.

You Don't Need to Wait Any Longer...

Please contact me if you would like to learn more about my services. I provide neurofeedback, biofeedback, somatic therapies, and psychotherapy in Petaluma serving Rohnert Park, Sebastopol, Santa Rosa, Novato, San Rafael, and surrounding areas.